RAWR!

I wish money was obsolete.

Life The Past 2 Weeks Or So..

School came to a commence. It was split down the middle of me taking 2 real actual information, or moreso non-art related classes, and 2 photography classes. Turns out I hated the math class I chose so i dropped it..for another art class. Design. I think it's introduction to design so it's not hard but, 3 art related classes is a lot. It is I won't lie I'm only 2 weeks not even into these classes and already I feel like im running around. constantly at ECC doing work and whatnot. Its not necessarily a bad thing, I'm just saying I don't see it getting any better. Only more hectic and more exciting.

I'm really enjoying my photo classes. Digital is great even though we haven't actually taken any pictures yet. But we're learning more about photoshop so I can not and will not complain.

Today was the first of my studio lighting sessions. I went in alone and took pictures. aand yeah it was cube and a sphere and some paper. But I'd rather it would be that and boring than it be nothing, because this is all information and knowledge i need to have to make it , to continue my dream.

In the past two weeks I've started something I never thought I would do. For a long time it was all an idea of something I wanted to participate in. A procrastination. Peace and Justice group. An organization commited to helping, supporting, and spreading the word of Global, National, and Economical problems. And I am now a part of that. This has been the highlight of my first two weeks at ECC. Never have I been more interested in global subjects and problems or more eager to stand up for those ideas and thoughts. Never have I been more eager to spread the word. I say a lot of things and post a lot of stuff about problems and a majority of my friends ask me "what is that?" and that is a problem. The lack of information and knowledge with people is growing and I want to change that. I want to hold onto my hope of a better world, a more united view. I want to make a difference. and I want other people to make a difference with me. It's not about how it looks on a college transcript, or what other people think about me and what they think about me trying to help. Theres more to life than what we see everyday. Theres more to life than money and drama and all of that. Everything we take for granted other people in other countries and across the world, they can't. Here in the United States we're worried about what we're going to get for our next birthday, while kids in other countries are wondering if they're going to live to thier next birthday.

It's about hope.
It's about trying no matter how hopeless it seems.

It's about Life.

But not mine.

This is where I start a challenge I've given to myself.

From this day on I will make it a regular part of my day to inform people about whats going on. Student Awareness. Community awareness. Social Awareness altogether is one of my top priorities. The things that go on in the world like War, Death, Poverty, AIDS, abuse etc..all has to become aware to everyday Americans. Even if all that means is that some one person who didn't knwo before becomes aware now. Even that helps.

I don't mean to preach. But we are, as best and simple of a way I can put it,

Globally Unaware.

We need change. But I can't do it alone.

I'm sorry I just blew up what I was thinking. Butit is. I haven't felt passion for anything other than my photography in a really really long time. So Im realky excited.

Blah.

Heres what i did today.

It's not the greatest, but it was my first attempt :]

-Jimmy

PointLess.

Tonight was honestly pointless. there are so many better things i could have done than go over to my friends house. ALL we did was sit and watch T.V.

Seriously, I could have sat at home and done the same thing and had more fun. It was sitting watchign T.V. complaining about wanting to do something and then having him shush us whenever we laughed. fuckthat. how ridiculously boring and stupid. Im not in a bad mood anymore but i was getting so annoyed. all he would do was sit and shush and mope about being bored and not wanting to sit at home. well fuck that complaining. this coming from the kid who doesnt go to school doesnt have a job doesnt do anything up til 6 sleeps til 6 in the evening.

piss me off.

im not trying to like..burn or trash talk or anything cause i love the kid.. im just saying. anyways. venting done

tomorrow i go pick up a package from the post office im rather excited.

i dont work until who knows when. so i should probably check that out. and look for a new job. a real new job. and really look. cause i havent been doing shit. and i know that ive been procrastinating and stuff. i just..i dont know. i want anew job but i want it to jsut fall in my lap. and i like not working its so easy and stuff. but i need money.

sunday will entail the bears game and drinking and cheering and celebrating their victory.

im done now. any pictures i took today im too lazy to post. so..live with that
im going to bed.
-Jimmy

Nothing I Did Today Makes Me Happy.

We had our first real learning calsses today. in psychology and studio lighting. they were so boring. my god i didnt think psychology was going to be this way. maybe its the first day of it, all we're learning is the basics and history. who knows. i was very optimistic when I chose this class and now..I dont know whats going on. Not "i dont know whast going on", as in i dont know what shes talking about, it was teh history like i said ti was all rather easy but, "i dont know whats going on" as in i dont know what to expect from the class. hopefuly it gets better. more intense. im reall excited for analysis of dreams and stuff.

I really did nothing exciting today. i got up and went to classes. both of them. they were boot camp today and so..meh.

After that i came home and..sat around. then ! me and my mom went to my consultation. god that sounds so cool when its reallly not. CONSULTATION. yeah ! no..im gtting my wisdom teeth pulled in 3 weeks. theyre gasing me. its not a big deal.

after that i went back and took pictures. this is why i titled this "nothing i did today makes me happy" because usually i have one sweet picture and today was..meh..but it was freezing out so i shouldnt have known to just come home and set up something. whatever. NOT A BIG DEAL. NOT EVERYDAY CAN BE AN AMAZING DAY. I DONT KNOW WHY IM IN CAPS.

WHY AM I IN CAPS. WHY AM I IN CAPS !?

after that i came home and slept..from the tiem i got home to about 11. and now..i sit. pndering. thinking. grasping concepts and stuff.i think im gonnawork out tomorrow. i have to go 45 times. itll happen.

here are the only ones i "liked" today.

yeah i dont like any of thses haha..

-jimmy

Monster Couch

I made A story today.

True Story.

This was a Sad sight. bu tmade fo ra really cool picture. it makes me think of a band cover or something. werd.

Also more things happened by my bathroom. its getting out of hand.

American Idol sucked.

New classes rock.

im going to bed i think.

goodnight

-Jimmy

Leaving next year is looking better and better..

No one knows how to make me feel more of a stranger here than my mom. she just doesnt care about me and makes it very apparent. shes subtle but not overly subtle. she makes it clear. Take today. she made it very clear that the new furnace we dont even need is more important than me. It ridiculous.

i want to go away. I need to leave. im too independant fo rthis household. i hardly ever ask them for anything, certainly not money, and i feel unloved and unwelcome. its crazy.

my plan is to see how the summer goes and if i can save enough im out of here. i want out. its too much. being hated can only be stood for so long.

anywho, new classes started today. psychology is something ive been looking foreward to along with studio lighting. and tomorrow some math :[ and then my digital class which im also pumped about.

i need to find a job soon. a new one. i had no hours at all this week. depending on if anything is offered or comes up this weekend jobwise i dont htink im gonna go anymore, even if i get scheduledhours. its not worth it. its pretty clear i wont get an apology for what happened even though looking at it now what happened was totally justified. but still. i mean jesus christ my manager cheated on her husband and i got blamed wtf is that. buncha bullshit.

heres some stuff i did today. it was a lazy day.

-jimmy

I hate people. more often than not..

So this may be the only time I dont post any pictures. because i took the day off fro mphotography. because last night i got drunk and didnt take anything because i was sleeping til 230 and also was hungover. and sick. not drunk sick. sick sick cough cough sniffles sick.

so I really just dislike when your best friend or not so much best friend anymore but close friend, lies to you or holds something out on you because they dont want yo uto know or dont want you there. moreso when its very clear why they dd not tel lyou and you jsut figure it out and think "wow what a piece of S."

im wont specify because il ljust get mad again but..it is jsut disappointing and a jackass way to go.

The reason i dont have any pictures today is because there was something wrong with my acocunt on my computer so i hadto save all my stuff to discs, which i was going to do anyway, i just didnt want to be forced to before i wanted to. at any rate i had to do that and elete it. and i was doing that while feeling sick and it took forever and i think im jsut goin gto leave them on disc and not load them back up. i have a lot of them otherplaces anyway.

classes start tomorrow. im excited. i hav eno idea where im supposed to go and what time im supposed to be confused. also i think i have a flat tire. what a day.

-jimmy

The Odds of me doing things tonight are low..

So, you know what I cannot stand. Like with out a doubt biggest pet pieve in the world ?

When people. people I dont really talk to but I know of and know they know the people that I do or used to hangout with, when those people do not know how to be creative on their own. And this in turn, gives them the idea that they have the right to copy me. Like.. it is NOT hard to be creative and artistic. Stealing other peoples ideas is pathetic.

This is just something that i discovered like 20 minutes ago. some kid has the same type of pictures i do. not same type but the sme shooting style i have. which he didnt have before. and its after ive been doing this style for like 3 weeks. and al lthe pictures are in the exact same spots as i took them in. in the house. in the bathroom. blurry faces. IN THE BATHROOM !?

I mean come on. thats just sad. Im all about sharing ideas and discussing things. BUT IN THE BATHROOM !? Thats so lame.

On a lighter note.

I've said before how much i want to start gettig ninto set up shots. Our fake bandshtos is as close as ive come to that dream. And when i say I want to. I mean i realyl want to take professional shots for people. But only one person i know wants me to. i dont understand why peopl eare so uptight about being photographed. Its not a big deal. people are jsut too uncomfortable with themselves and thats sad. If you cant be one with yourself how can you function in the real world. Everyone should have confidence. yo uare who yo uare and no matter what it wont change. unless you do change..but then you're so fake its pointless. being a fake person is worse than anything. I hate those people. The two faces. the people who you think are great friends wit hyou but secretly hate you with a deep passion. Two Faces.



We met these girls over break.

Rachel and Lexi. They are going back to school. Its sad really. We've known them only 2 weeks (not even) and its like we've known them for years. there was jsut that much comfort going into the begining of a friendship. for the past week in a half or two weeks or whatever, weve all hungout almost every night. and its bee nso great and amazingly fun. its jsut sucky they are leaving. and it makes me think about my decision to stay at ecc.

I mena ECC, god i could be in the city right now. living in a dorm being i nthe city I love. LOVE. i love chicago. It is where i want to be.

but haveing money and living at home fro free is better than not having any money and living with a, what wouldnt really be now but still, a stranger.

i dont know sometimes i regret not leaving. im justa late bloomer. im going to get out of this town if it kills me. but i need to collect some thought, save some money, get stuff out pf the way.

still though. i could be gone.

Thats all for now.

Please dont think im illeterate or stupid because i mispell words or dont correct them with a spell check. i think it takes away of the reality of the human mind in time of great thought.

-Jimmy.

I could be out of here.

Were we a "real" band, as some might say, We would be kickass indeed. the hottest thing out of..Cville / Algonquin.

so Ive bee nneglecting this because i never knew how to get pictures but now that i do and its easier and faster than gay face book ill be on and posting all the time. ALL THE TIME.

every minute of everyday. forever.

So heres whats been up. Just hanging out, taking pictures talking to some best friends the last few days. Tonight was the last night in town for a lot of college friends. and it was hard and stuff not seeing people for a while. but I look foreward to newer better friends this semester. i dont know about better but jsut as good. We met some great people this break and It's fuinny how, for as little amount of time we've known them, how much were going to miss them.

ill post more tomorrow i think. im realyl tired and i didnt realize until jsut now. so i will add more.

-Jimmy

SO we're having an underwear party tomorrow night. we're all gon gto come and show up in underwear..only and party it up. not with alcohal or anything im sure..but its going to be so intense..so that should be fun and stuff.

not a lot on my mind tonight or today. i took some pictures of course stickign to my 30 minimum. so here are some.













I wish I had mroe to this one.

I dont.

-Jimmy

Why Not Try And Make Yourself ?

Sometimes, my parents seem like they are trying to get the pointacross that they hate me. Honestly in the past 5 monthes it has become ridiculous. Either my mom is trying to guilt me because I'm never home. Or my dad is trying to lecture me about whatever I'm not doing, whatever isn't up to his standards. I get so sick of it. Thats why I'm never home. I never feel welcome. nothing is good enough. They don't care about what I'm doing. I nany aspect. My dad is afraid of talking to me. So he vents it towards my mom and she tells me abotu it and i get upset. Hes more afraid to talk to me about what I'm doing, or not doing, than I am to tal kto him about what hes doing. He just bakes and bakesand then at the end of the month he has his period and explodes at me. and I stay as calm as I can. But who knows that he thinks or assume about me. I don't know whats going on in his head. My mom is the peacekeeper. She talks to me and tries to make me understand. But I don't need her help. Both of them think I'm ungreatful. Im not. I lovethem for all that I have and am allowed. But it is very clear they're ready for me to leave. And each day i grow more and more independant. I want out. As quickley as possible.





It's as if they're trying to make me grow up and do things that I have no reason for doing. They worry about things for me. why should i burden myself more with obsolete thoughts of the future. Not that I don't think abot the future constantly. But they make it seem like I'm already screwed. Like it is already hopeless.

Im never home because I never feel welcome. I come in the door. o one says hello. how are you ? nothing. i feel alone more here than when im out alone. by myself. Im never here because, and I think i might have said this before I'm not sure, all i do when i'm home is think about what else i could be doing. Always turning are the thoughts and ideas in my head.

I try to slow life down. I've realized I'm nowhere near ready to fully grow up. Theres maturity of course.





I'll never grow up. Just old.



Tonight after a while of hanging out with some of my best friends, I started thikning about truth, honesty, and other things to that nature.

I HATE when people lie and can't be upfront about whatever they are doing. Sneaking around. conveniently forgetting to mention things. It is clear to me who can be trusted at this point and who cannot. And coming fro ma person who trusts everyone too much too quickley thats a lot. I've been hurt and betrayed one too many times for the trust thing to go on the way it had been.

another thing that bothers me about people lying to me is..I'm going to find out. eventually. An dits worse when I find out later. Im not aiming this towards anyone, nto that anyone knows since..like 2 people read these rants. Im just saying. Its better to come clean. sooner.

I applied at Old navy today. It was funny, because I went all the wya to the store to find out (from a cute girl) that it was an online application. i was shocked because i should have known but i dont think sometimes. i have lapses. i think i just contradicted myself with something i said before. i dont care.



Sometimes I want to play the guitar.





Something I'm constantly thinking about these days is whatever photo career I hoep to have. It is what I want to do. I'm set on it. But theres stil lthat uncertainty about it. What happens if I fail ? what happens when I fall through and I dont have anything to fall back on. I cant work at a coffee chop or wherever for the rest of my life. I knwo people who do that. I am not one of those people. I could never do that. I love freedom to be crative. And I have the biggest desire to get out there..and see the world. Im not one to stay in a town. Stuck in the same place, forever. It's too early to call whats going to happen . .







I'd really like to get into setting up shots. and photographing people. I jsut dont know anymore.

-Jimmy.