Dreamz

So I don't post on this alot.just..cause I don't. I don't see it as a big deal..No one reads it anyways.

But I thought the dream I had last night was worth posting..because it was incredible..like one of the weirdest most vivid real insane dreams I've ever had.

It started out as follows..I was with a group of people..each one doesn't have a face or maybe they do but I couldn't recognize any of them. And we're walking and its in this very European-Esq setting. And were coming to this village and it honestly looks like a mix between like Rome and London. And we're walking and we see..Tank Johnson, of the Bears. And everyone automatically knows, hes the field goal kicker for the Bears. which is obviously wrong ha ha. So we're all egging him on to kick a field goal to this one building. It looks like the Colosseum. And we want him to because if he gets it up over or onto the roof, the building will explode and that's where the "bad-guys" are. So were cheering and we watch him kick one football. and then he says something and I laugh as we're pushed through a garage looking opening, to the other side where we are like closer to the building. And then here comes the ball that he kicked. And it looks like its gonna happen and were all anxious and waiting in anticipation and it seems like its going to happen but then, BAM, it drops off and falls short..into the water that has now taken over as the ground around the building.

So we were all upset..but we keep going. And somehow we all end up breaking apart and going separate ways..like instantly. you know how in dreams its like one thing to another very quickly very smooth transition. So there I am in this very London / Rome- Esq town..and all of a sudden a man comes up and starts asking me if i want to ride his jet. And I'm like "jet? what are you talking about.." and then here comes this mobile of some sort..it looks like a mix of a jet ski and like a plane with its wings cut short. And there are handles on the fronts. and you dont like sit on ti yo uput your feet on bars and your hands on handlebars and your in like a horizontal crouch position. so than another transition and Im like on a rooftop watching three guys jet around..but only ones riding it..and the other two are holding it by the handle bars and they're throwing it into windows and buildings. with this man saying "this is your job now.." And they keep just throwing this jet and the guy riding it into Windows and stuff and then he turns around really quickly and jets back out..cause its like a hover craft type thing.

So smooth transition back..and Im riding this bike. And Im just hovering around. Not crashing through things and these guys are now chasing me..and Im like "wtf !?" and so im jetting around. on top of buildings and through alleys and everywhere and these guys I just CANNOT lose them, Its like they're able to jump as high as they want or as far and run as fast as they want..So then Im on top of this building. Looking over the town. alone. And I have to mention how realistic it was. Like everything was so clear. and the moon was huge and it was lighting up the town. And i have a picture..
This one.



And that's the best example of the clarity of this town.





And so i also remember looking out towards the ocean or lake or whatever it was..and it was so clear too. not like see through but very very dark and contrasty. like i could see each ripple. and it was moving in a weird way..like if you were to go over it something some weird scary creature would jump out and you'd die. and that was it.

So then chane again..and my hover jet thing has turned into a miniature car..but its like the same as it was with wheels and a roof. and im being chased by police now..and im like crashing into cars and walls and people and nothing is happening to the vehicle. So then I crash into a cop car. and I like handbrake turn around a corner and handbrake turn into a garage this man in all black sitting on a bicycle is pointing into. And I park it..and Im like "thanks.." and I run away..and the dream stays on this man..and the door of this garage thing is shutting but like a chord is sitting out..and I tried to move it but I halfassed it. and he like..flips this chord in right before the door shuts.. and the cops pass and then the dream fades out.. then I woke up..

So thats it..It was pretty sweet. words never do dreams justice..but I tried..

- Ji m my

Where Do We Go From Here ?

Long Weekend..
Alright weekend.

I don't have anything to say right now. Or at least..I'm too lazy to type. Theres always something on my mind. Exhaustion overtakes my thoughts for now.






-J i m m y

A Reason to move foreward.

Change.
Hope.
Passion.

I think these make up for not posting pictures in a little while.

-J i m m y

pffft

I want to sell all my personal belongings so they mak eother people happier than they're making me. I look at these things I have and I use words like "want" and "need". Its all bullshit. I think of the people everwhere, who have absolutly nothing. And I feel like a monster. I dont use half the things I own. Im giving them away.

I want to live on the streets. see what its like. would it ever happen ? no. but imagine being put into the position of having to find a new place to sleep every night. a nice warm bed with pillows and blankets is not an option. Imagine having little or no money. no food. water. cleanliness is gone. Along with your dreams and ambitions. because you've got more to worry about now. Its crazy. trying to imagine. you cant. you cant fathome. To lose everything. It would never happen to you. so why should you care ? Ignorance is bliss.

I wish I was a bird. I want to be a bird and have no worries, problems, or conflicts. No drama. Im a bird. I dont need ambition or hope either. Completely free of all the constraints of the world. Burdened by nothing but the idea of being a weightless thought in the clouds. Flying above hate, neglect, and ignorance. Free.

Its funny to think how unstable a thing like hope can be. Its there. or its not. you keep it alive. or watch it die. Constant ups and downs. changes. good and bad. Its like taking a chance. But its a huge chance. because in the end Hope is just a word. until you make it something more. But only a word til then.

Im tired.

no more talking.

Change will come.

Its a matter of being patient.

I dont know my future.

I love not knowing.

-Jimmy

I realzied..

Most of my "good" friends. are all talk. and make me want to punch babies.

Thats how annoyed I am right NOW. Enough to punch innocent infants. yeah..fuck it.

There are bigger things happening here.



-Jimmy

Trust

I've been thinking of about this idea and how we put it into complete strangers.
Right now Im dog/house-sitting for our neighbor. Its not much i go and let his dog out. thats it. But it made me think about how we sometimes have no choice but to put our trust in almost complete strangers and / or people we hardly, barely know. Everyone does it. We are force dtp pu our trust in complete strangers. When we drive we are forced to put our trust in every other person driving around and towards and away from you. We put our trust in them that they wont screw up and kill us on the road. WE put our trust into the people cooking our food. making our drinks. We trust cooks, lawyers, bankers, attorneys, credit card companies. people who if they mess up it could effect us greatly.
we hav eno choice. With this idea and the thought of how I myself am watchign a house. An entire house. It made me think of how my neighbor is basically giving me the option of either keeping his tust, or screwing it up. So I started thinking about all the things in his house. how everything there is completely personal and its in his house and not on his front lawn for a reason. And how I could, if i wanted to, go into and through every single thing he owns, keeps, reads, and watches.

When does personal information and personal objects with a personal value become public.

from private to public.

so heres a picture one of the 5 or 6, i havent decided that im printing.



"Im not supposed to be here."

All these personal family heirlooms and pictures on teh walls and around. This isnt my house.

-Jimmy

I Think I need a Girlfriend.

Or something

that will make me

feel better

about life.

some form or sort of something that makes me happy. Or happier I guess. I love life. I love it right now its great I enjoy what Ive been doing and I love who Im becoming as a person. But something is lacking. some part of me is incomplete. I mean in al lhonesty I always feel Ill be incomplete I dont think anyone could ever be all the way whole 100 % because then what else do you have to live for ? SO theres that but I mean that there is lacking in that area. In the love area.

"love".

Ive come to be afraid of such a word. Too many times have I though that "love" was ther and too many times have I been let down and heartbroken and destroyed mentally, as it affects eevrything else in my life. We live these life cycles and mine seems to always be going in one direction only. When im hapyp and things are going good everythings going good. But when Im down everythings shit. Its all downhill and this makesit harder to pick myself up and dig myself out. I make myself sound mental. Im not. I guess Im just..confused..

fuck it.
Confusion.

screw it.
its not worth being confused.
I am confused though.

As to where Im heading.
What am I doing?
Am i good enough to live out this dream-lief I so desire. A perfectionist at heart with this seemingly perfect imperfect lifestyle and idea of a future. How far does one go until they realize when to stop. give up. defeat themselves.

all the way?

I will not give up.
I will not give up.

Anyone can do anything they want if they have strong enough desire and want.

Hope.
Is it real ?

Make it real.
If you cant prove it to everyone else. prove it to yourself.

I sound drugged up. Im not. Weird mood. weird..



This is hope.
This is excitement.
This is a reason not to give up.

-Jimmy

Ongoing Horrible

Adam showed me and sarah this.
I think sarah already knew of it.
Its so good.



I quit my stupid job today.

-Jimmy

Somewhere..Ill probably pass out.

My latest and..yeah.

ive discovered the super furry animals. and maps and atlases.
its love.

0Jimmy

hmmmm..

SO many people are so quick to jump to conclusions and state an opinion about something. Its sickening though sometimes. This is true. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Yes awesome. I can relate to that statement and live through and by it. I realize this truth. I also realize that some things you hear are not always going to be something you agree with. Another side effect of opinions. But theres a difference between hearing someones opinion as well as understanbding it and someone elses opinion being forced upon you. Someones stating an opinion and then trying to make you think that they are right and you are wrong. I get this the most from my parents. and when i say parents I mean my dad. Nothing is good enough for him. Everything I do, every choice Ive made in the last, i dont know 3 years, is not good enough for him and he holds these negative feelings and biasts towards me and what I do. Unsupportive and pessimistic are two great ways to describe him. He is the reason I want to leave here. He is also the reason I become so entangled in thought and debate with myself. His words, rare but always harsh and negative, are what make me wonder if I will ever become anything. It is because of him I am here and ironically he is the same reason I want so badly to leave.

I am branching off.
I am growing.

My father. Society's offspring. He is a product like all of society and he is a storage unit for the stereotypical views and cliche demands of society as a whole. We are given these rights. These privelages and abilities to ues our voice and state what we think or feel freely. But right after we opinionize we are struck down. We are told we are wrong and we are looked down upon as an outcast. and society makes it seem as though we deserve nothing and condescends our very being, our way of living, until eventually we are right back where we started. Unopinionated.
A tool.
A machine.
We are given this ability, this right, to state how we feel. and when we think differently than everyone else we are looked down upon.
Our ability of freedom in the form of personal statement is taken away from us before we can even use it.

Screw society. Screw anyone who doubts your abilities to perform or think. I dont mean to sound cliche' but Fuck conformity. Where does it get anyone. Thinking like the next average joe. I am sick of being told I can do something if it makes me happy and then when I do it, and it does make me happy, and then being told I am wrong for doing it, for following through. Reason and passion. That is all that should matter.

It never will.
We are all talk.

For as much as I love having views and opinions, I miss when I didnt have AS many. When I had nothing to worry about and I didnt think until I thought my head might explode.





I wish I was a bird.
-Jimmy

Itll take some time.

"Her eyes swelled up in the bars soft lights. I drank and watched her laugh and then we sang loud in the dying streets and i was so drunk my heart floated like a feather in the breeze i got so high off all the blinking lights the color painted in the night."

-Chris McCaughan.

Amazing man. amazing song.

Ive been tihnking a lot lately. andworrying..but then realizing Im not even sure what Im confused about. I hate this.

Where am I going ?
When Will I get there ?

-Jimmy

We'll shine..

Shine..

Shine..





...





That is all eh..-Jimmy

Holding My Breath..

It is one day until Spring Break is over. It is now that i ask myself whether it was as good as it could have been. it was pretty fun. i guess. I think it oculd have been mroe fun. And it oculd have ended better than my friend cutting open his arm while we were all drunk and other stuff. But yeah I dont know. It was still fun I still saw a bunch of people I havent in a while and Met new ones who will become good friends imsure as well as made old friendships stronger. It was good for the most part but i coul have done so much mroe ..I worked and then hungout . I didnt go anywhere further than elgin. I dunno. ah. life.

My birthday is in 5 days ish. 6 kinda. Im excited. I have that entire weekend off. party party. 19 is..alrigh ti guess a big one not really but still getting older.

I didnt really take any picture over break. I should have though. Cause I have two projects to do haha. shoot. Ill deifnitly do some tomrrow. cause..It has to get done. I actually made this tonight..



Displace me Event is almost here and im totalyl excited for it adn everything haha. Itsgonna be so great.



Ive bee nthinking alot about friendships lately. It seems all my friends are starting to make everything we do a competition. all my close friends. who are mostly, you guessed it, all male. But yeah..i mean everything is becoming some competition with girls, music, movies. Its all getting too ridiculous. and im starting to get annoyed. im realyl starting to branch off to other groups of people cause I have more than 5 friends. and i need to crete those friendships. connections. it all about trying to make everyone happy. Dont think i dont make myself happy i do. but i want to be the one person people call whe ntheyre doing something..i want to be that one awesome friend that everyone calls when theyre bored. i have mnore than 5 friends. and im jsu tnow realizing.

im ready or not. you're here i come.
-Lawrence Arms.

-Jimmy

loss of interest..or lack of. either way right..

So I havent posted anything in a while. i got busy then lazy, busy once agian, and now im jsut being lazy. So ill do it now. 230 of the AM

Beenthinking a lot about pictures, picture taking, and life in general. very vague. ojh well. i sentered some prints in an art show. and im wondering what will happen there. i dont know about that. well see. could go either ways and im not very optimistic.

i just dont feel like posting things. Wow.

Its spring break. Woop.

this was my latest studio project. i named it ENVY.

Science Experiment part 2 ?

So heres my continuation of the last thing i wrote. I've slowly been getting away fro mthe computer. this is good and bad i guess. good because sometimes i think i could be doing so much more. bad because i think about how i want to get into a field that uses computer software everyday. but still. with the last few days teasing me about it being nice out and no wits supposed to be getting nice out im upset. theres no reason for any cold weather to come back. im done with it. ive lost my interest in it. It can die for all i care.

heres some pictures i took yesterday evening. ish.





and a photoshopped up picture of bobby. (badly photoshopped) or not so much badly as poorly i didnt put a lot of effort into it i just wanted to filter it.



Im ready to make music. and magic.

-Jimmy

Who wants to be my test subject ?

Havent posted things in a while too busy and such..

yesterday was one of the nicest days ive seen in a long time. and i was outside all day. we skateboarded which i havent done in a longer time. and it was incredible.

even though I myself suck at it.
Bobby got it back right away. it took me longer. but i got the hang of it again semi quickley.




it was a fun day.

now i want to go back outside.
ill finish this later maybe.

-Jimmy

Sick of painting in black and white..

I finished all 3 of my digital project pictures and all i have to do is mat them suckers.

i did this today. I got bored.

I was trying to think of what inspired me to do this. and i finally figured it out. Its this idea of daydreaming and how you kind of just let your mind wander and float. like i knew why i made it i jsut couldnt think of a good way to word the meaning.

cool.

i might work at hot topic. im excited.

-Jimmy

Supposed to get cold out..

I had to go bac kto toycrib today for one last shot for a while as fr as that location goes. I feel like I'm rnning out of places togo. but thats not it. Its that Im not trying to find new places. Im kind of sick of toycrib. Its..eh..Ive shot the entire place minus the one shot i want off the roof. Which i wont do until i get my studio lights. So i dont know. I need new places. any suggestions would be amazing.

I ate mcdonalds today. watched tristan and isolde and slept from 8 to 1030. I havent done reallly anything since like 6 oclock. i feel lazy as hell




Somehow I wastalked into representing the entire peace and justice group tomorrow and i get to go meet the new president of ecc and give him "gifts" and a poster and...I dont know shoot shit and such. haha im jsut kidding im excited for it. But nervous at the same time. Im only representing our entire group, granted its only like 25 people but still. But excited. Nervous and excited. mostly excited im finally getting to do things. Thats the poster i made for our group. More aimed at teh genocide committie. but yeah.

-Jimmy

Take To Long now.

I found this picture while browsing through older pictures i needed for a photo project im working on. it was a real sense of inspiration that dates backto the spark of my interest into photography.



Its a really interesting series of pictures. theres another of this girl who knows who she was and im like right on the edge of the picture with my camera up..it was so funny. and creeepy. ironicalyl this was also my spark to creepyness.

This is one of three for the final..i posted it once before unfinished.



I have one more to do for this project and tons more ideas so im pretty excited to get a start on it ..probably tonight. its gonna be cool. hopefully. my idea are all related in some way or another right now. like theyre not jsut random. well a lot of them are. they always are you cant stop that. Im just saying theres so much visual metaphor in them it connects them somehow.

im gonn shut up and listen to Incubus.

-Jimmy

March 3rd

We had a hotel "party" yesterday. I use the term party loosly because it wasnt a big party. more of us being aweosme and such like always.

teachers are supposidly maybe going on strike this week. wednesday. we'll see how that goes.

-Jimmy