My biggest fear is myself . .

I wish my family was more supportive. The amount of support, or lack thereof, is astounding. For everything. This is mainly got me thinking because of their view and opinion on me leaving next year. But it isn't just held to that alone. Its everything. I could tell them I was going to do something that would benefit them in someway. I dont know how. or what. But I would probably get a funny look and some smart ass question like "why?". something as plain and ordinary as the question why can have the biggest impact on me. I've sat and told my mom about a project I was going to start or was working on or I tell her about what I feel strongly towards and fight for. And al lI get is a disinterested look or reply. My dad is no different. And at the same time is entirly different. In the sense..I cant even tell him things, because he probably wont even listen. He was the one who brought up college. Yes, I want to get away and I want to get away to the city. And I want to get away to Columbia. the onyl school I applied to. the only school I want to go to. And yes it is more expensive than the rest. his question at me to my mom that she relayed to me. "what does he want to get out of going there?" I cant make it sound as unsupportive as it did when my mom told me. but wow. I couldn't believe it. I want to leave more than ever.

Sometimes I think that if i want to hear the music I am in the mood for at..whenever. I have to make it myself. I should look more into this concept. Cause right now what i want that I dont have is something slow. mellow. ambient. but with lyrics. I have lots of music that is any combination of things to that nature but theyre a;; instrumental or in a different language. I have to make myself happy it seems.

there ar other tihngs on my mind. including but not limited to the following. Photography, relationships, elgin, a job, books, passion. I dont know..everything always seems to just squish together. so im pretty much fucked cause i think too much.

-Jimmy